When The Idea of "God" becomes Unattractive

   Let me start of by saying this " I am not an Atheist " But I believe we all get to that phase in life where we just have this urge to question everything. And even the idea of God. Well I guess this is mine, because Man is a combination of mistakes, beliefs, and decisions

Now what happens when the idea of God  becomes unattractive to you- In which you just don't care because you don't feel good in the morning. Just depressed and tired of it all. It can't because of the so called pastors who have monetize the holy spirit and make our parents "hustle backwards" (see boondoncks) by paying offerings to feed them and what do they pay us back with excesses like ordering a congregation to go outside and eat grass, It isn't some of them use these money to build schools that their congregation can't afford, buy private jets 

 "foxes have holes, bird of air have nest but the son of man have no place to lay his head"

Priest skips the homily on a Sunday mass, moved straight to and demanded 7 offerings but that couldn't be the reason. Some could argue that the Holy Books needs a revised edition as people especially Christians are beginning to cut loose from the hold of the Council of Nicea. You see sometimes I just feel "God" knows nothing about the dynamic stupidity and misplaced priority of our today society where people are burnt for things, where people people are used and things are loved. How many millions of people have died in His Name. 

The Idea of "God" seems unattractive because of its stoic, un-dynamism and failure to tackle modern day problems that come from having modern day things and modern day feelings. 

"God" doesn't know the pain of living in a place where you can't breathe and be yourself what it means to be pressured and when you look at the kitchen knife and wonder how it will feel inside you just because we are virtual superstars and have thousand of friends on social media that tell us they like us. Not with their mouths but with the reflexive double tap of their thumbs which they do amidst hisses almost nonchalantly.

"God" knows nothing about the pains of heartbreak how it feels when you send a message to your crush you see the two blue check indicating that the message have been delivered and read and still she doesn't reply. And you don't  want to send another message asking her why she hasn't replied so as not to suffocate the relationship by sounding too clingy. as flimsy as it sounds little ticks like that explode anger within us, and what part of the Holy books can we reference for insights on two blue ticks.

  So we ask ourselves why do i pray, or go to Church on Sunday or Mosque on Friday and why won't I feel uninterested on the idea of an old man who is just interested in separating goats from sheep, and keeps fanning an eternal flame and stroking his mustache in anticipation of loud screams and gnashing of teeth.

Notice how i quote "God" in all the sentence its a metaphor parenthesizing our idea of him, the African church, the ejaculatory prayers, and almost robotic regurgitation of words, habit and existence. I found myself listening to J Cole 4YEO outside church on Christmas vigil by the corner because I grew tired of a man using psychic science in convincing people who have nothing that the only way to receive from God was to give him money amidst the obvious recession, that and other reasons are why it might get unattractive to me, especially when rappers like Ab-Soul convince and open our mind to systems of control and ask if you've ever seen with your eyes closed. when you see the ills in society and question why certain things happen the way they do. and you still want to blame some irrational actions under religious influences and act of faith, i'd rather not.

So am I asking you, is the idea of God still attractive or do you feel it is Religion that is flawed or does the Holy Books need a revised edition  Or do we still have to  look at it and try to mystify it till we find solutions to our modern day problem and depression or do we solve our problems with logic,

A Happy New Year in Advance to you, lets just hope its a new year.

By Victor Samuel