Make it about hue, tell me those things I haven't done today tell me my jokes aren't funny enough as I battle both angels and demons, He brought his ladder to spectate, I'm a soldier and I don't know if I will win the battle, but I have lost the war because my placenta was torn into pieces and thrown away and my grandfather died of asthma. I lost the war because my friend lost his brother to cancer and I had migraines when I started masturbating.
I lost because a minute ago I swore I would never call you. But you called, like a dog I answered wagging my front tail. Restoring your latch taught me a thing or two about delayed gratification. or maybe three which is around the time I leave to clean my dirty home as dust from my skin accumulate and I walk around in the puddle of my own mud.
I lost because I begged you to untie the pain from my heart I wanna feel light. Prove you love me, by kissing me, telling me you can't wait to see me, don't sit there and let me do all the talking. See if love is a game like chess, I lost the game because I was a weak king and couldn't protect you my queen and you cheated on me with the nights and the Bishops. It's not your fault really, I lost you because the tip of my phallus ached and I lost my respect when I tried to grope the innocent little girl with growing tits
I am lost, always trying explain but my father who didn't understand and taught me thing or two about how the truth couldn't save you from his whips or three which is usually the time he wakes me. I lost the war because I am not free, paid for because I opened my own doors envisaged under mother's abdomen. Constantly moving about with meat in my pocket and eating it without permission. running like a rat when I hear footsteps.
I lost because I was always nagged and insulted I'd remember not to ask nicely which was the lesson I learnt when it came to girls as I lost that cat for believing in movies. I lost the war because they were keeping malice after years of staying together and my Friend told me to come to his place where we wished and regretted but i couldn't go because i was performing emissary function going Daddy to Mummy like an Egyptian corpse
I lost count after the hundredth sign of the cross, negotiated my penance because I will be back I was no stranger to sin, I must have done it once a day or two as i thought i was cursed or maybe three because the other day i peeked into the ladies bathroom with specificity of intentions, having enough mental image to rape myself psychologically
I stayed there in the space afforded me in the Chinese man's pant like the one my uncle retracted his hands from, the not my aunt female as our eyes met, I don't blame him because I must have overhead her thanking God that the child now resembles him a little, Cursing her ex boyfriend.
I lost to the smell of my keistered hands because it smelled like cunnilingus and I needed more sex appeal as I swung the swing set, holding chains that used to be my Granny's breast. She shouldn't have tried to wipe her sweat with her skirt, I caught her upskirt, awkward silence. Like days I spend minutes picking up biros I dropped in a second or two as I know she always sit with her legs open in class or maybe three which usually was the amount of slaps I got.
I lost, because I couldn't finish the rosary in catechism class, oh I started so well my spirituality is gone now, forgetting all about it like what I just learnt during mass, running up and down the church and falling one time, two times with blood coming out of me or three times like the foolish scared girl who ran to aunty-nurse our neighborhood check who inserted the sickle shaped iron into her and shook it vehemently because they didn't want the child, who lost hold.
I stay there thinking in the space afforded me in the dead child's coffin rest so quiet I hear my eyes blink so intolerable changed now he couldn't stretch his hands and chase me away. Just 19, happy he's gone it's ironic. Wishing then, but wouldn't now to trade place with either you or my would be brothers lost in the sewer because she went to fetch water, flushed as pool of blood and cried foolish tears when her husband asked how it happened she must have cried once, or twice as joy turned to sorrow overnight and he must feel he is wasting his sperms as he released trice just to be sure because his secretary was questioning his sanity and wondering if he hadn't lost the rational mind she always knew he had. It's just a piece of metal she reminds him.
Why won't you let me have a win today?. I have lost so much trying to live, don't make it all about hue. Life is always more than we know.
by Victor Samuel
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